Get out of my dreams

If a tudor style building could be made of giant tan and dark brown stones, then this place would be considered a tuder. It has a half circle driveway and is an historical building of some kind. I've been there 3 times now with different people. The first time we went it was us 4 travelers. We took a bus into German horse country. They let us off where the paddock met the road. The Hanoverians and other warm bloods were out grazing. We had to walk down the main road and take a right to find this German landmark that we came to see. The 2nd road is wooded and shadowy, unlike the open country from the 1st road. We see the building and we are here.

The next time I visited the tutor-stone-building I was driving in a convertible sports car with the top down (of course). I'm not a lover of sports cars, especially convertible ones but this is Germany and we had an opportunity to cruise the Autobahn. We drive by down the wooded road and pass the unnamed space but I go back. Not knowing how I got there, I get to see what is in the backyard. There are college students and other hipsters milling about the gravel walks past the small flowing streams. The last time I saw this place was last night. I didnt visit but I was telling some friends about this place. I realize that this is a dream sequence within a dream. I've seen this place so many times that it has to be real.

Todays to do list...

1. Wear make up to make self pretty.
2. Clean skeletons...I mean old clothes out of closet.
3. Run to make self thin again.
4. Make 21 month old walk.
5. Take out trash.
6. Nag husband out of inaction.
7. Clear files off desk.
8. Enjoy the sunny snowbanks of New Jersey.
9. Take a vacation from the sunny snowbanks in New Jersey.
10. Find new house to live in.
11. Call my sisters.
12. Get hair colored to make self pretty.
13. Get oodles of digital pictures developed.
14. Communicate with friends.
15. Hate work.
16. Love work.
17. Microwave meal for dinner.
18. Finish 800 page book.
19. Zone out.
20. Love my family.

Songs for her

Rainin' Babies - Flaming Lips
Mozart
Beautiful Boy - John Lennon
Watching the Wheels - John Lennon
Wild Flowers - Tom Petty
Day-O - Harry Belafonte
Baby Steps - Luke Vibert and BJ Cole
Death or Glory - The Clash
Greystone Chapel - Johnny Cash

TBC...

In circles

I've been observing her for months now...each visit i see her and wonder about her backstory. her baby has overly round checks and a hat to cover her thinning hair. I assume she is the child's mother. her hair is greying and her skin looks slightly tired. her dress looks as though she pulled out the most comfortable clothes she could find in the 5 minutes she had to get going in the morning. The closet light is too dim sometimes! Her little girl isnt so much a baby as a small-big-person. She is more put together than her mom today; her flowered overalls, cute little girl shoes and ruffley shirt distract from the tube she has that is attached to a back-pack sized pump. Although she can get around her mom carries the back-pack for her so that her darling can play with the wooden cars that slide around on the table.

It is clear that this little darling is sick but is her mom sick too? i delve into her backstory in my mind...I start with her getting married in a perfect ceremony. Nothing too fancy but she is clearly European so I imagine some castle in Austria or the Chech Republic as the backdrop (I guess a castle is pretty fancy). Then freedom of married life; a partner to explore and travel with. Mostly she now has someone else's mind to delve into and pull out the emotional matter; thats the best part, knowing what is in another's mind and being able to anticipate the thoughts, movements and other business of life. Here - today - she is alone with her baby girl, her noisy pump and the illness. Not even those cutesy girl clothes can negate that. backstory again: I figure she used to be an athlete maybe a swimmer or tennis player based on her physique. She seems intelligent so she must be well read and so caring to her little one so maybe she was a teacher. Yep, this woman did some meaningful things with her time as an individual. Has this girl's mom become a person of unfulfilled ambition, desires and personal goals? When you sign on to be a parent letting go of that marital freedom of castles, seas, exploration and intimacy is put on hold but once this sick child entered the family what happens to mom (and dad)?

Next month, they will be there again maybe Dad will come along as well. I hope so his backstory is already nearly complete.