Writing about Writing

Dear Amis:

So my dear... I've been around. Life is busy but I just do not have the time or inclination to write. Today I'm going to write about writing and then one day I'll actually do some writing...

L's health is progressing so well that she had her final procedure in March. We hated to have to do it but it signifies an end...we hope. This menace can return anytime and no one knows when or if it will. It keeps us on our toes but the more we deal with it the better we are at relaxing while in our guarded state. I expected to be able to breathe easier, feel some real elation and be able to relax after this thing was done but I truly felt nothing. Not nothing in its total sense because we were overjoyed to see her after the procedure but no relief. No true exhale and calm. It was just over and I felt the same. Subsequent letters will delve here...why?

We had our amazing little boy A. in January. He is an Angel...so calm, reassured, happy, and easily entertained. I can already tell that his view of life is much less complicated than L's. This second child really is different; less attention is paid to the little details not because we don't care just because we have a level of understanding that we did not have before. I am wrought with anxiety about him getting the short end because of L's illness and that he will somehow get less love and attention. I try not to overthink it then I wonder if I'm underthinking it and then I'm under and overthinking it at the same time. Again no exhale or calm just the same...why?

Your big day in September is fast approaching. We are excited and can't wait for the day. I told you before that you should use this song...have you considered it??

Distance makes the cancer shrink

Its very strange going back to CHOP after being away for a longer period of time! The traffic to get there, the parking, the not so happy check in people, the waiting etc. It is difficult and when we were going every week or couple weeks it didn't seem that bad. Everything is relative and at that time we were so happy to know that our baby was going to survive that traffic, waiting, and grumpy people did not even occur to us! Now that we have the luxury of looking back I truly realize the mountain we have overcome...humble thanks...joy...love...